yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
