Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My penis needs a shock collar
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
