there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize