JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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