i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
