No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
