yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
