Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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