He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize