I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
