dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
