peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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