if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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