Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Ladies don't puke and tell
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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