It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
