Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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