We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
