I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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