like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
