yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
