I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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