I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
