you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
