Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
