im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
