When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
