I want to make a zoo with you.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Michael Bay diarrhea
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
