If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
