that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
