My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
