What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
