You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
