When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I am mentally ready for anal.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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