he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize