Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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