does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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