it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
