I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
