Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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