Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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