Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
