very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
