Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
