I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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