i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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