I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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