Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
