my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
