i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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