so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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