I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
