why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize