Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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