Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
