I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Your dad touched me again.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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