i already hear my dad disowning me
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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