I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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