i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
