yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
