If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
