she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I want to be your penis for a week.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
