Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
