look no pants
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
