This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She bit a glass in half.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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