No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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