So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
even my farts smell like vagina
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize