It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
