how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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