I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
