Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
