Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
