He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
