does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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