my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
