I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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