remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
