Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
