I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
