Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
