I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
