apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
