I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
