Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
