Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
