Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
