Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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