I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
