hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
