He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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