Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my being single is dangerous.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
