Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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