some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
