he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
