What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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