I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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