I'm really into asian looking animals
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize