She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
