Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
this will be a night to untag.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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