Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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